


what i'm feeling now

by cydbys



Series: beards [2]
Category: Big Time Rush (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-23 01:15:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17070704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cydbys/pseuds/cydbys
Summary: Jo's first big break was New Town High, sure, but it wasn't her starting point.There she was, videoing herself strumming a guitar and singing a country song she'd written for a girl, not that anyone could ever know that, and then it goes viral and all of a sudden she has a minor role on a show about teenagers who sing on the same network New Town High will be on later, and then she's in California.It was a one in a million chance. Of course she took it.





	what i'm feeling now

Jo's first big break was New Town High, sure, but it wasn't her starting point.

There she was, videoing herself strumming a guitar and singing a country song she'd written for a girl, not that anyone could ever know that, and then it goes viral and all of a sudden she has a minor role on a show about teenagers who sing on the same network New Town High will be on later, and then she's in California. 

It was a one in a million chance. Of course she took it.

At first, her parents hated it. She's staying in California, she couldn't sing in her Grandpa's church anymore, she wasn't around to babysit her younger siblings- them missing her came last. They saw their trading off trips to stay with her as a hassle, not an opportunity. Eventually, they got used to the cross country distance. By the time she filmed season three of New Town High, her parents were distracted with hating how her younger brother had started wearing eyeliner and piercing holes in his ears, nose, and lips. She was making it just fine without her parents. It was even okay that they rarely called anymore. 

The Palm Woods was a state of transition for everyone who stayed there. It was nice, sure, but it was also the kind of place her Grandpa would describe as full of temptations. There was Camille with her bi flag pins and girls kissing in corners at parties. There was Jo in an opposite corner, wishing and wishing and writing snippets of songs in her head about soft skin and strawberry perfume. 

Kendall was cute and had his moments of good boyfriend-ness. Most of the time, they were both kind of disasters. She said yes to him when she was naive and utterly dishonest with herself, but then she began to really care about him and didn't want to break his heart. She knew she wasn't thinking about him the way girls are supposed to think about their boyfriends, though. Instead, that was reserved for her pretty (and female) costars, girls she met at the Palm Woods, and, on a few memorable occasions, Camille. 

She got over it, kissed Kendall sometimes, and threw herself into her acting like she had since she started starring in middle school plays and church productions. 

Here is how her coming out process began: she'd signed a new tv show deal, one that was better written than New Town High, one that felt a lot more grown up. Suddenly it was taking up all of her time. Kendall hated it, and Jo wished, she really did, he would just figure out why it didn't bother her as much as it bothered him. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she wasn't sure it bothered Kendall the right way either. 

When they finally broke up, she stumbled around excuse after excuse for weeks of the two of them seeking closure, until she landed on just saying it. "I'm a lesbian." 

Kendall took it well enough. He'd been surprised, but in some ways so had she. They got through it together, and ended up closer than ever. Best friends. 

The show is a hit, even better than New Town High. Her days of movie flops and a mediocre album were behind her. She started writing again, better songs, songs that are blatantly about girls. Nothing on her previously recorded album could have touched this. 

Her manager told her she couldn't release them unless she changed pronouns, cut a few lines. "It doesn't fit your brand." She said. Jo started looking for a new manager. 

Somewhere along the line, her old costar Megan called, and they ended up getting coffee. Megan was doing alright, starring in a horror show as a final girl type. They stumbled and giggled back to Jo's apartment well passed sunset, high on caffeine and sugar and the late night. When Megan kissed her against the door, Jo held on to her hips and hung on for the ride. 

It went like that for a while. Sneaky coffee dates, cheap restaurants no one would expect them to be. They kissed and they giggled and sometimes Megan called her "babe" and she could only take so much of this. "What are we?" 

Megan tilted her head, made a face like it was obvious. "Girlfriends?"

"Oh. Well, we never said it!"

Megan laughed, pulled her close by her hands so their foreheads touched. "Jo Taylor, you are hopeless." 

She and Kendall got coffee in the broad daylight, and even though she spent the whole time talking about Megan, the tabloids still guessed that they were back together. 

"Really," Kendall said over the phone, flipping through some gossip magazine that certainly did not belong to him. "How many times can we break up and get back together?" 

Jo hummed in response. She was only half listening. 

"What's up? Are you busy?"

Jo decided to come out and say it. "They're gonna expect us to go to the award show together." 

"Do you... want to?" 

"No. I want to go with Megan." 

"Do you think you can?" 

"Maybe." 

She does. They have the time of their lives, and Jo just comes out and says it in an interview. 

"I see you're here tonight with your New Town High costar Megan. I think it's great that you guys still have such a strong friendship." 

"Oh, we're not friends." Jo said. Megan picked that moment to come up behind her, wrap her arms around her waist. "She's my girlfriend." 

The interviewer doesn't seem to know what to do with that. The clip is trending everywhere the next day. 

(Her album almost beats BTR's sale wise. She'll get them next time.)


End file.
